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Archive for September, 2007

Is America ready for Mike Hunt?

So, I know I’ve been really lazy recently. Haven’t been writing much about, well, anything. Eh, I don’t really give a rats arse given that this is my blog and not yours, and other obvious reasons including: I’m hungry, I don’t know you (maybe, but if I do know you: hi! let’s get it on sometime, okay?), asparagus makes your pee smell and my brain doesn’t work so good when I am sad. All that aside, here’s another lazy post from yours truly- one of those clip thingies where other people make amusing entertainments and I just post and write something somewhat related and then feel a bit better because now I’m up to 29 posts! Woot!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

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Facebook needs a virus.

I was so fucking right! Facebook is stupid. Apparently infant boys suckling on nipples is obscene. Yet idiotic, dimwitted teenage dumbasses who couldn’t even locate their own herpes addled labia if it was surgically attached to their heads and they were given a map to it with scratch and sniff arrows- I’m talking about you Lauren Caitlin Upton (although not implying you have herpes, such as) – are happily welcomed in all their grammatically incorrect, retarded grade school spelling glory.

Fark!

Disclaimer: My boyfriend just told me I am an annoying shit. I think I’m possibly misdirecting my anger. But fuck it. I’m not sorry. I’m disgusted by Miss Teen South Carolina and I can read maps; I just can’t find the one directing me back to a sane relationship.

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Oozing sores: fun or foe?

img00449.jpgI finally made it on a boat trip. I have booked, planned, paid, cancelled and forfeited funds more times than I feel comfortable thinking about. Maybe I should have stuck to that routine; last weekend I finally got my skinny ass on a boat and was rewarded with hives. Oozing, blistering, pus filled lumps of itching pain. According to the doctor these had nothing to do with being on a boat catered by the Ritz-Carlton and sipping tea out of china teacups while lounging in the sunshine. I hysterically tried to argue my point about being allergic to boat trips and five more lumps appeared on my arm in the process. Apparently she was right and the pustules-from-hell disfiguring my body are a manifestation of ill humours – rendering me humourously ill, perhaps?. Basically all the stress and general grumpiness has been leached out of my central nervous system and wreaked vengeance on my dermis. Being a rather vain person I was initially rather unhappy (and itchy) and spent ten minutes naked in front of the mirror fighting the temptation to cry “why meeeeee!”. Then I gained some perspective and realised that oozing, seeping, blistering sores all over my body was actually kinda hilarious. It’s so beyond grotesque and disgusting that there really isn’t anything else I can do but giggle.

The pict was taken with my blackberry so it’s not too clear. In reality they look like a red and furious baby who’s pissed off at the dried up nipple. Then multiply and slap on any body part that takes your fancy.

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